Brick's Diary
by StrawberryPantera
Summary: She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets.


It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.

I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.  
She said, "I miss you."  
I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."  
She did not open up her umbrella; I knew she wanted to share mine.  
I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."

Unwillingly, she opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.

Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"  
Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station; she said she would take the train back home.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must have felt when she came all the way here in this kind of weather and I treated her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.

But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."

We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having lived together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated, she went back home and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too deep in thoughts and drifted off the road. She almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we used to always go.

She begged and said, "Let's go in the park for just a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."

My cold heart softened at her pleas, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked into the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago.  
If I remember it right, it said,

"Brick and Blossom was here,  
Brick had tea and Blossom was drinking hot chocolate.  
Hope Brick and Blossom would always remember this day,  
always loving each other, forever."

She was looking around for quite a while, and then she came back slowly with tears on her face.  
She said, "Brick, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."  
I felt so sour inside; there was a stream of pain flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before.  
But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"  
I opened up my big black umbrella, while she simply stood there, not wanting to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance.  
She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"  
I didn't say a word, looked down and shook my head. After which, we just kept on walking towards the train station without saying a single word to each other.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened. First I thought the pain would go away, but it grew stronger until it came to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Blossom, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Blossom was still young; she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years of feelings. I didn't have much time because I would soon start to lose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding. This drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there waiting, losing our last moments in silence. I saw the taxi arriving from a distance.  
I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of you, take good care of yourself."  
She didn't talk but simply nodded lightly and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out onto the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring into the dark window at the first and last love in my life, walking out of my life. The car took off into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twisted lies in my heart any longer. I waved my arms rapidly and chased after the taxi, because I knew this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her. I wanted to tell her to stay. I wanted to tell her so much. However, the taxi had already turned into the corner. Warm tears streamed down my face, blended together with the cold raindrops. I was cold not because of the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Brick, I'm that girl Blossom, using my memory and his diary I found one year after he left, writing down these last words.

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-Swag


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